just another 150 or so to go! I think there is a strong possibility that this figure will be revised downwards.On a completely different note, I'm taking some advice from Rachel, I would like to ask your opinion. When is it acceptable to start putting yourself before your children? Mine have come first for the last 30 years, is it my turn now? I don't want to be selfish but do you think it's ok to think about me for a bit? Any comments gratefully received.
Sue xx
Yes. It most certainly is your turn. The knack will be how to do it nicely but firmly, no rejection but likewise no argument, and no giving in to whining or emotional blackmail. Children take a very long time to start seeing their mothers as people in their own right, I've found, and many of us let that go on beyond a reasonable limit. They'll catch on eventually, so long as you stand firm! Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHi Sue, I left a comment on your previous post re baking measurements ;-)
ReplyDeleteYes...I think it is definitely acceptable for you to start putting yourself first. To be of any use to anyone else, I think you have to look after and nurture yourself. I am learning this slowly, but only as a result of a major depression. I am a work in progress! LOL. But I've found even in the last 10 days of so since the start of my 'experiment' that by putting myself first, I am able to offer more of me to the boys...if that makes sense.
Hello Sue, and thanks for leaving a message on my blog... returning the favour/compliment?
ReplyDeleteI could go on, and on about this subject. I put my sons first for all their lives until they were old enough to fly the nest, look after themselves on every level. I loved them unconditionally. I put my own life on hold so I could be a stay at home mother, they always came home to find someone there, waiting with drinks and home made cake, always read to them and with them, taught them to read, write their name, learn the alphabet etc. Cried when they hurt, rejoiced when they had successes. And for what?
Nothing, because for various reasons which I have no control over, which are decisions reached by them as adults in their thirties, neither of them speak to us any more and we have no idea what goes on in their lives.
So my answer is a big YES, it's your turn... well past it if you ask me. Parents are humans too and deserve a life of their own. I am with Mother Nature, make sure they can take care of themselves, then cut them loose. Mine cut themselves loose when they wanted their own homes, their independence, and all was fine for many years. I used to beat myself up about it, but not any more. Why waste any more tears? In an obscure way I am proud of them for having the strength of mind to stand by their decisions, even if I think they are the wrong ones, which is something they will discover eventually, when it's too late.
Popped over from Rachel's to find out what her comment helped about. But I have no wise words. Haven't started to put myself first and can't see it happening. The children don't need us so much (though a bit, and anyway I love them so much that I wouldn't be happy not to put them first if they needed it) but I now have my mother and childless aunt to worry about. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteHope you get the strength to follow your dream, though!
My advice would be to talk about it and explain and work towards it gradually. My Mother was always there for us and then suddenly 5 years ago she and my Father upped sticks and moved away and we didn't hear from them for 4 months. I guess she was tired of putting us first and the only way she could change things was to escape - she never told us that was how she felt but I wish we had all been able to talk and the resulting asserting of herself could have been a little less dramatic! I have tried to learn from this and talk to my boys all the time - letting them know how much I love them but that I (and my Husband) need time to ourselves too! Don't know if it will work any better - only time will tell but it feels like a step in the right direction! Good luck - I hope you find a way that suits you all! xx
ReplyDeleteHi - I've just popped over from 'Rattling on' - I think to a certain extent you can do both! We very much live our life now as we want to, but our son knows that we are there if he needs us.
ReplyDeleteRegards Anne